


My Roaring 20s

by Stooksss



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Don't threaten me with a good time, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Healing, Isn't he the cutest, Roaring 20s, Smut, That wink and smile oh my god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-11 07:44:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15310761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stooksss/pseuds/Stooksss
Summary: “So tell me, mystery lady, what's your name and story?” He signaled Becca for drinks and I caught her smirking at me.“Full name, Odette. Nickname, Etta.” In my more relaxed, drunken state, I gave him a two-fingered salute.“Pleasure to meet you. I'm Brendon.” He gave me a salute back and took a swig of one of the drinks that had been placed in front of us. “Now I believe I requested your story.”“Do I have to?”“I think it's only fair, seeing as you crashed my party and all.”“Well, when you put it that way...It's fucking depressing. Sure you wanna hear?” He nodded and I started on my fifth drink. Might as well get more inebriated for this.





	1. [How It Started]

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts and ideas always appreciated! Kudos and subscribe =]

Growing up, kids never quite understand death. As we grow, we become more accustomed to it, though we never think it will affect us. Sooner or later, though, we must face death. Grandparents pass away, and as you sit in the chair, realizing they’re actually gone, your parents comfort you, even though they’re hurting more than you can imagine. That’s what parents are supposed to do. They stay strong for their children to help keep them strong, but what are you supposed to do when it’s your parents who are the ones chosen by death?  
  
As I sat in the church, staring at the two coffins placed in front of the pews, I craved the comfort that only my parents could give me. Even though I could see their bodies, it still didn’t seem real. A week before their funeral, we had met for dinner to celebrate their 25-year anniversary. I had gone to meet friends for drinks afterwards and as soon as I walked into my home, I got the call from the hospital. I’d had a few, but that call completely sobered me up. I remember falling to me knees, screaming and crying all at once. Everything else was a blur. The funeral arrangements, notifying everyone; my mind had been on autopilot.  
  
I had refused to read the eulogy, fearing that I would just end up sobbing in front of everyone. I just sat there, staring at their bodies as long as I could, taking in every little feature, because I knew it would be the last time I’d be able to.  
  
The funeral service and burial seemed to pass extremely fast. One moment, I was watching my parents’ coffins being lowered into the ground, and the next I was sitting on the grass, watching the groundskeepers put dirt back into the holes as I watched, drinking from the flask that had made it’s home in my purse since the first day without my mom and dad.  
  
A month after the burial, I received a letter in the mail that made me fall to the ground all over again. My parents had been pretty affluent in the New York art community, owning a couple of galleries and acquiring pieces for different universities. We’d lived comfortably as I was growing up and I didn’t have to worry about school once it was time, but I never quite knew just how much they made. Seeing the insurance and trust documents that had been mailed to me let me know that I REALLY had no idea. Even though we’d always lived well, we were actually living below our means. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, so I drove to the address that the papers were sent from to clarify.  
  
The lawyer I talked to was a patient man. I knew this because he sat quietly as I wept at the gift my parents had given me. Since their death, the city that used to be my home was just painful. I would walk past a restaurant we had eaten at or a store we had shopped at and a wave of pain would wash over me. With my newfound wealth, I would easily be able to move wherever I wanted, which is what I decided to do. After packing up only what I considered to be most valuable to me, I set out to LA. I had to get as far away as I could.

 

 

**2 months later**

 

My head ached as I walked determinedly to what had become my regular bar. My resolution to give up drinking cold turkey had backfired on me, but I feel like I knew that would happen deep down. If my parents could see me now, they'd be heartbroken. They couldn't, though, so at least I had that going for me. That and the fact that I was over the stage in my mourning where I wasn't showering. If I was going to get drunk around other human beings, as least I looked presentable.

 “Hey, Larry.” I gave the bouncer a small wave as I walked closer to him.

 “It's been a few days,” he replied.

 “Yeah, well, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Isn't that what they say?”

 “They do, indeed. You're gonna have to come back another night, I'm afraid. Private party.”

 “Seriously?” I groaned and put my head in my hands. I really didn't want to drink alone in my apartment. If I was going to continue to be pathetic, I wanted to at least stay just above rock bottom. “Is it a super ritzy private party where I'd stand out, or a private party where everyone started drinking right away and I'd blend in?”

 Larry looked around to make sure no one was within earshot. “The second.”

 “So if I were to happen to guess your info and paypal you some money, do you think that door would magically unlock for me?” It was desperate, yeah, but I had the money, so why not use it to bribe someone that could use it?

 “I think that's something that would happen.” Larry knew my situation – everyone there did – so he was always exceptionally nice to me and knew I wasn't lying about the money. After some info was exchanged and Larry made sure the transfer went through, I walked through the door with no issue.

 The music was louder than usual and it seemed that whatever party was going on was a celebration of sorts. Everyone was laughing and dancing, all with a drink in their hands. I narrowly avoided someone tripping into me as I walked over to the bar, the person giggling at their almost-accident.

 “Hey, stranger.” Becca, one of the bartenders, greeted as she saw me sit down. “I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you got in here. Irish Mule, keep 'em coming,” she asked, knowing my routine. I thought back to my first visit before I was even unpacked in my apartment.

 

**_It was 8pm on the dot, the time the bar down the street opened. I was the only person waiting for the door to be unlocked, but I was already tipsy enough to not care. I couldn't bring myself to sit at home with my few belongings and get drunk._ **

**“ _You're a punctual one, aren't you,” the bouncer I'd learn was named Larry asked as he came out with a stool, sitting on it as he waited for a reply._**

**“ _One of my many perks that you'll come to find over the next however many nights I come here. Get used to this face, because I'm going through some stuff and this is the coping mechanism I'm choosing.” I showed him my ID, gave him a wink, and walked in._**

**_Becca was the first bartender I met and she seemed surprised that anyone was there right at opening._ **

**“ _Okay, newbie. First one's on me. Spill.”_**

**“ _What?” I gave her a confused look as I sat on one of the barstools._**

**“ _Tell me your story. I've never seen you before and I can tell that beneath that pretty eye makeup, your eyes are bloodshot. You've either been crying or not sleeping, or both. So, like I said, first drink's on me because you look like you need it, and I'm ready to listen.” She raised an eyebrow at me as she waited for me to answer. After collecting my thoughts, I let it all out._**

 

“You're the most perceptive person I've ever met,” I laughed. She gave me a cheesy grin as she made my drink. “Who's party is this? Anyone good?” We were in LA, after all. It could be anyone.

 “Yeah, actually. It's been pretty cool. Brendon Urie is throwing this to celebrate his tour ending.”

 “Panic! At The Disco Brendon Urie? Cool.” Teenage me would be freaking out, but I'd met enough people through the years while living in New York to get over feeling starstruck.

 Becca excused herself to serve the party guests as I worked on my drink, letting the whiskey and ginger beer heal my aching head. I watched everyone enjoying themselves and actually found myself enjoying my time, too. It had been quite awhile since I'd been around this much positivity. It shouldn't be a surprise that it was a bit contagious.

 I was three drinks in when I needed to take a bathroom break. I told Becca to get another one ready for me for when I came back. Surprisingly, the women's restroom was empty. I took my time and fixed my makeup after I'd relieved myself. It was Brendon Urie's party, after all. I wanted to make sure I blended in with his caliber of people. When I felt okay with my appearance, I shoved the bathroom door open to return to my seat. I guess I was a bit too forceful because I heard a bang and a groan.

 “Oh shit!” I immediately closed the door and checked on the man who had his head in his hands. “I'm so sorry! Let me see.” I reached out to him to make sure he wasn't bleeding. When he looked up, _oh shit_ escaped my lips once again. “Brendon, holy shit. I'm so so sorry. You're not bleeding, if that's any consolation.”

 “I'm good,” he laughed, which I thought was an odd reaction. “Alcohol really does numb the senses.” He rubbed his forehead one more time and looked at me for a moment. “Have we met? I'm sorry, but I can't place your face.”

  _Oh shit._ “I'm glad you're okay.” I gave him a pat on the shoulder and walked quickly back to my stool, thankful that I'd chosen one at one of the ends of the semi-circle bar, next to the wall. Becca was helping others again, but she'd placed another drink in front of my seat for me. I practically sucked it all down in one sip, my adrenaline was pumping so much from my encounter. When I finally found myself calming down, I saw Brendon at the other end of the bar talking to Becca and motioning down towards the bar with his hand. My _oh shit_ s turned into a flat out _fuck_ and I quickly set down a couple of bills for Becca and hightailed it out of there.

 “You're giving up that easily,” a voice behind me asked. I closed my eyes in defeat and sighed.

 “I can explain,” I said as I turned around. I tucked my hair behind my ear and failed to hide the guilty look on my face. Brendon chuckled.

 “It's fine, really. The bartender told me you weren't crazy and I'm not one to ruin someone else's good time. Stay as long as you like.” He gave me a crooked smile and a wink before putting his hand on the small of my back and guiding me back to the bar.

 “Thanks for not being mad.” My chest lightened in relief as we both sat down. “And sorry for the door incident.” Brendon just shrugged it off.

 “So tell me, mystery lady, what's your name and story?” He signaled Becca for drinks and I caught her smirking at me.

 “Full name, Odette. Nickname, Etta.” In my more relaxed, drunken state, I gave him a two-fingered salute.

 “Pleasure to meet you. I'm Brendon.” He gave me a salute back and took a swig of one of the drinks that had been placed in front of us. “Now I believe I requested your story.”

 “Do I have to?”

 “I think it's only fair, seeing as you crashed my party and all.”

 “Well, when you put it that way...It's fucking depressing. Sure you wanna hear?” He nodded and I started on my fifth drink. Might as well get more inebriated for this.

 


	2. [Knight in Denim Armor]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback if you've enjoyed or have any suggestions! I'm open to it all!

Becca, having my back as usual, had switched me to water as I talked to Brendon. Judging from the difficulty I was having with my words, I could tell it was a good call. I absolutely hated making other people sad, so I tried adding some self-deprecating dark humor into my story. The look on Brendon's face let me know my jokes weren't working.

"Holy fuck." He scrunched his face and ran his hands through his hair. "No wonder you crashed the party. If it wasn't an open bar, I'd buy you another drink after hearing all that."

"I'd have to take a rain check, anyway. I've been cut off, it would seem." I took a drink of my water and realized just how dry my throat had been. I coughed a little before taking another quick sip and then grabbing my pack of gum from my bag.

"Can I have a piece," Brendon asked. I put my hand over my heart and feigned surprise.

"You mean THE Brendon Urie actually chews gum like us orphans? My word!" My drunk humor really was truly awful. Brendon rolled his eyes and grabbed my gum, taking at least five pieces.

"I deserve these after hearing that bullshit," he laughed, popping a piece of gum into his mouth and pocketing the rest. "Now come on. You need a fun time. Even though you've been coming to this place to drown your sorrows, you're still technically alone, so tonight-," he hopped down from his stool and did a pretty impressive MJ-esque spin that ended with him grabbing my hands, "we're getting you some social interaction."

I truly had nothing better to do, so I just laughed as he pulled me from my seat and into the dancing crowd. It was normally something I would stay far away from (was an only child in a two-working-parent home, so can you say introverted?) but I was too drunk and just too over giving shits to care.

To say that we were on opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to dancing would be the understatement of the century. Whatever the opposite of Brendon was, I was another five notches below. To be fair, though, I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled and laughed until my cheeks hurt.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but by the feeling in my stomach and the sweat pouring from me, I knew my night was coming to an end. Especially when I felt the acid rise up my throat.

"One sec," I held up a finger to him before covering my mouth with my hand and power-walking to the bathroom. I barely reached the toilet when the last few hours' worth of liquids left my body.

"I didn't realize your body had become so adverse to fun," I heard Brendon say behind me. I wiped my mouth and turned around to see him leaning against the sink countertop, arms crossed and a crooked smirk on his face, hair carelessly falling to the side.

"I didn't, either." I let out a half-hearted chuckle as I stood and flushed the toilet. "I appreciate your insistent company tonight, but I'm gonna have to tap out."

"You sure? You don't feel better after spewing out?" He handed me one of the pieces of gum he'd taken from me.

"I'm sure. I'm just gonna take a shower, pack a bowl, and pass out."

"How about I at least help you with a step while I walk you home?" He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a vaporizer. I couldn't say I was too surprised that he'd carry it on him. "It's good shit, I promise."

"I believe you, but you really don't have to. I live just a couple blocks over. It's not even a five minute walk."

"C'mon. It's late and we're in LA. It wouldn't hurt to have someone with you." He raised a brow at me, waiting.

"You've twisted my arm. Let me wash my hands and then we can go."

The walk to my apartment was pretty quiet. Brendon and I passed his weed back and forth and just enjoyed the cool air. He wasn't lying when he said it was good shit. After a few hits, my head felt light and I was relieved to see we were outside of my entryway. I was going to sleep like a baby and I couldn't wait.

"Thank you for tonight. Not kicking me out, making me dance, watching me puke, ensuring I don't get murdered on the way home, etc etc." I pulled my keys from my bag and tried to differentiate the one that opened the main door and the one that opened my apartment door.

"Let me," he laughed. He shoved one into the lock and got lucky.

"My knight in denim armor," I eluded to his jacket.

"Impressive, I know." He winked. "About that rain check..."

"Huh?"

"Earlier when I said I'd buy you a drink if I could and you told me you'd have to take a rain check."

"Oh yeah. You don't have to. I was just kidding."

"I know, but I want to do it."

"Seriously? But you're you. Don't you have an Olympic-sized pool of people just waiting for you to take them out?"

"I wouldn't say Olympic-sized. Maybe a kiddie-pool."

"Okay, lover boy. But really. You wanna take me for a drink?"

"Or food, a churro, we could go to Universal. Something fun." He ran his hand through his hair while he waited for my answer.

"If you remember me after you sober up, I want all three. Give me your phone." I held my hand out for it, smiling at his excited expression. Once I had it, I added myself to his contacts and put it in the front breast-pocked of his jacket. "Later, Lover Boy."   
  


It had been three days since my night out and, while I hadn't heard from Brendon since he walked me home, my mood was still elevated. I doubted that I would hear from him again, but I was still thankful for the positive kickstart he'd given me. 

Since I'd been feeling better, I'd been able to fully unpack the rest of my belongings, do a grocery run to fill my empty cupboards, and stop at a nearby salon to get my color touched up and my ends trimmed. I was a little surprised at how much one night out would affect me, but I wasn't complaining.

Not wanting to end my productive streak, I made myself go out in search of a wardrobe that better suited the warmer weather. New York could be blistering in the summer, but LA was a lot less humid and a lot hotter in general. There were a couple of locally owned boutiques within walking distance of my apartment, so I made my way in and out, trying on anything that caught my eye. While I was looking at my reflection in a dressing room mirror, my phone started ringing. I didn't recognize the number and I wasn't thinking about Brendon at that moment, so I didn't answer. A couple seconds later, my text chime went off.

**_You really have a dark sense of humor, you know? Putting yourself as family/skull/whiskey/puking emojis?_ ** **_It took me forever to realize you hadn't put your name._ **

 

_I completely forgot that I'd put that! I'm pretty proud of it, though. I wasn't sure I'd actually hear from you._

 

**_Why wouldn't you?_ **

 

_We were both pretty drunk and I wasn't sure you'd even remember me._

 

**_How could I forget the girl who told me the world's most depressing story at my own celebration party?_ **

 

 

_You've got me there lol_

 

**_So what you said the other night about if I remembered you...you free for Universal tomorrow?_ **

 

I bit my lip and smiled to myself. I was a bit awestruck and butterflies were appearing in my stomach. It was crazy to think that someone like him would be interested in me. Don't get me wrong, I was perfectly happy with myself, but he was world famous!

An unexpected internal battle arose in my mind as I thought of how I should reply. When it came down to it, the fact was that he was a celebrity. People were invested in his life to the point where I'm sure they knew everything down to his morning routine. It was intimidating and I wasn't sure how well I would fit into that sort of life if things were to progress.

"Fuck it," I said to myself.

 

_I hope you're ready to spend most of the day at Hogsmeade. Pick me up at 9?_


	3. [Luna to my Draco]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that have left kudos and comments! Keep ‘em coming!

I was up at 7 the next morning, and by up, I mean already showered and fully dressed. To be honest, I was almost as equally excited to see the Wizarding World at Universal as I was to spend a day with Brendon. I’d seen pictures of it, but had yet to go.

To kill time, I’d changed shirts about eight times and ended up finalizing on a Ravenclaw tank top. My hair had to have gone through half as many different styles before I ended up just putting it in a messy bun. With a half hour to spare, I walked down to the coffee stop that was a block over and ordered a scone and two iced coffees, one of them being for Brendon.

I ate my scone with one hand and held the drink carrier with the other as I walked back home. As I was coming into view of my building, a black SUV pulled up and parked next to it. I smiled to myself and quickened my step.

“Morning,” I called as I watched Brendon hit the button for my buzzer repeatedly. He spun around and waved and I had to laugh. He was decked out in a baseball cap, circular sunglasses, tank top and shorts, and a fanny pack. “You look prepared for the day.”

“I’ve even got sunscreen,” he beamed, tapping his fanny pack.

“I’ve come prepared, too. I’ve got coconut milk and sweetener inside if you want to add anything.”

“You’re a girl after my own heart. Let me introduce you to Zack and Kala first since you’re out here.”

 “I didn’t know there were others. I have to go back and get them something to drink.” I motioned to Brendon to follow me, but he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me.

“They stopped to get their drinks before they picked me up, so they’re good. That’s ridiculously nice of you, though.”

“I don’t like people to feel left out.” I shrugged it off and walked with him to the passenger-side door where a pretty brunette had the window rolled down.

“Etta, this is Zack, my friend/security, and his lovely partner Kala.” They both smiled and waved. We exchanged pleasantries before Brendon and I hurried to my apartment so I could grab my backpack and we could fix our coffees the way we liked.

As I was going through my bag to make sure I had everything I needed, Brendon sipped on his iced coffee and walked around my apartment. It wasn’t big, by any means, but I had a nice open kitchen/living room that held a piano and a small loveseat and tv. There were two bedrooms, but I kept one of them locked. I should’ve known he would’ve been intrigued.

“Are you hiding dead bodies in this room,” he asked from down the hallway.

“Not dead bodies, but the items of dead people.” There was a moment of silence as what I’d said sank in.

“Oh god, I’m sorry I asked! I didn’t mean to bring up your parents. Have I completely ruined the day already?” His face looked crushed and I felt bad for him.

“You haven’t ruined anything. It’s a legit question. I’m getting better at talking about them. Well, mentioning them at least.” I gave him a smile to let him know I really was okay. “In happier news, I have everything I need, so we can get going. I don’t want them to have to wait too long down there.”

The drive to Universal took awhile, but that’s what happens with traffic in LA. You can’t really plan an exact arrival time when you’re going more than a few blocks. It was a fun drive, though, and I got to know more about the people I was with. Brendon and Zack’s humor played off of each other and Kala was the sweetest and apparently most patient person, as she never seemed to tire of the two men.

I was buzzing with excitement when we finally arrived and left the car. I had to keep myself from running ahead and leaving my three companions behind. Brendon saw me fidgeting with my bracelet and asked if I was okay. Having been caught, I confessed my intense love of Harry Potter and how I’d been looking forward to visiting one of the parks since I knew they were even making them.

“Seriously,” he asked, looking a bit surprised.

“Did the shirt not give you a hint,” I laughed.

“I mean, yeah, but I didn’t see anything in your apartment that eluded to an ‘intense love’.”

“You didn’t look at my bookshelf then. I’ve got almost every special edition set they have, ones that were misprinted, a couple signed copies, and I’m sure I’m forgetting some. I’m not huge on having a bunch of physical items, so I keep it down to just the books and a couple clothing items.”

“A minimalist, I see. Cool. What Hogwarts house are you? I’m assuming you’ve known since you were a kid.”

“You’re not wrong. I’m a Ravenclaw. You?”

“I took the test once and it said I’m a Slytherin. I always did like Draco in the movies.”

“Really? I always had a crush on Draco.” I gave him a smirk and hoped I wasn’t blushing too obviously.

It seemed like we walked forever before we finally reached Hogsmeade. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t tear up a bit, but no one saw, luckily. Seeing the Hogwarts castle and all of the different shops I’d seen in the movies was one of the coolest things I’d yet to experience in my life.

“Where do you want to start,” Brendon asked. I didn’t even know how to answer. He, Zack, and Kala had a small laugh at my expense and I couldn’t help but end up joining them. I’m sure I was acting ridiculously to them. “I know what I wanna do first.”

Brendon grabbed my hand and pulled me along through all of the people. I was thankful that he was guiding me because I was still too much in awe to really pay attention to where we were going. One thing I did notice, though, was the look on the faces of people who recognized my date. Their excitement surely matched mine, but for an obviously different reason.

After weaving in and out of the crowd a little, we entered a shop that was filled with different types of robes and clothing. They even had a replica of Hermione’s Yule Ball gown. I let go of Brendon’s hand and started exploring.

“What do you think?” I felt a tap on my shoulder while I was looking at a jewelry case and turned around to see Brendon decked out in Slytherin robes. A huge grin spread across my face.

“I think I love it!” I ran my fingers over the Slytherin patch and felt impressed that it was actually sewn in and not just glued.

“Try yours on. You can be the Luna to my Draco.” He smiled and handed me a hanger with Ravenclaw robes.

“I always thought she would’ve been a good fit for him. Balance him out a bit.” I took the robes from him and slipped them over my clothes. It was a perfect fit. I insisted on paying for them, but Brendon refused, saying it was his idea so he should pay. I agreed, but only because the next stop was my treat.


	4. [Ridiculously Into It]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An ever dreaded filler chapter!

By the time 3 o’clock rolled around, we had been into every shop in Hogsmeade. After Brendon paid for our robes, I dragged him to Ollivander’s so we could pick our wands. Going with the trend, I chose Luna’s and he decided on Draco’s. After they were paid for, we had Zack take a picture on each of our phones of us in front of Hogwarts.

We tried to keep going in the robes, but they were so fucking hot that we only lasted until lunch before taking them off and putting them in my backpack. I wanted to spend a little more time in the Harry Potter area, so while Zack and Kala went to a different area of the park to eat, Brendon and I grabbed food at Three Broomsticks. 

“Are you having fun so far,” Brendon asked me. 

“You have no idea. Thank you for everything today. I’m glad I hit you in the face with that door the other night. Otherwise I would’ve flown under your radar.”

“It’s definitely one of the more unique ways I’ve met someone.” He smiled and scratched the back of his neck. “I’m really glad you agreed to come out with me. It’s hard to find people that aren’t wanting something from me, whether it be fame or money or bragging rights.”

“How do you know I’m not after something? I could be a serial killer and I’m just after your vocal chords. I’m rich enough to find someone that would preserve them for me, no questions asked, I’m sure.”

“If that’s the case, you’re not allowed to murder me before I’ve had a chance to kiss you.” He nonchalantly shoved a few fries into his mouth.

“That was ridiculously forward and corny and I’m ridiculously into it.” I couldn’t get the smile off of my face for the rest of our lunch.

The rest of the day was incredible. Brendon and I walked through the park hand-in-hand and we even found a cart that sold churros. There was a show that involved animals doing tricks and Brendon insisted we sit in the front row, where I would later learn of his love for dogs. Watching his face was almost as entertaining as watching the animals. When the show ended, I learned that he had two dogs of his own at home. 

 

We closed down the park and I rested my head on Brendon’s shoulder as I leaned into him in the back of the car. I must’ve fallen asleep because all I remember is leaving the parking lot and the next thing I knew, we were at my apartment. Brendon insisted on walking me up.

“Thank you guys for a great day. It was awesome meeting you and I hope we can do something again,” I said to Zack and Kala. They each expressed similar sentiments and waved goodbye. 

Brendon and I didn’t talk as we walked up the stairs to my door. We just held hands and tried to match each other’s pace, as we learned that holding hands and walking up stairs isn’t the most graceful thing to do. 

“I had the best day today. I was nervous, but you made it really fun,” I confessed, still holding his hand and not wanting to let it go. 

“I had a blast, too. I’ve gotta say, I’m generally outgoing and not bashful in the slightest, but you had me a bit nervous, too.”

“Really?” What was becoming a familiar giddy grin spread across my face as it had done all day. 

“Really. You’re kinda hard to figure out. Like I said, I’m always outgoing and really extroverted, so I’m an open book. You’re super subtle and I’m learning that I’ve gotta pay close attention, which I’m more than happy to do.” A smile that I’m sure rivaled mine appeared. 

“You’ll just have to spend more time with me to continue to figure me out.” I was actually proud of how smooth that came out. 

“Are you busy on Saturday?”

“My last dozen Saturdays have been spent drinking myself stupid. I’m sure I can clear my schedule.”

“Then it’s a date.” Still holding my hand, Brendon brought his other to my cheek and leaned in, placing his lips against mine. 

I’d had plenty of kisses in my life, and maybe I was being a bit biased because of how happy I was after having been miserable for so long, but kissing him was a totally new experience. Hot damn, did he know what he was doing! It was quite obvious that he’d had copious amounts of practice, but it sure as hell benefited me, so who was I to care about what he’d done in his past. 

“I’ll see you Saturday,” I managed to say when we pulled apart, fingers intertwined until the last possible moment. 

“I can’t wait. I’ll text you.” He kissed my cheek. “G’night, Etta.” Brendon gave me a wink and disappeared down the stairs. 

 

 

 

 

 

To say that Brendon had caused a complete 180 with my attitude would be an incredibly accurate statement. Two days separated me from Saturday and I’d not once felt the urge to drink or wallow in self pity. When the headaches came, I popped a couple ibuprofen and drank some coffee and it was fixed.

The realization that my mindset had affected me as much as it had was a bit startling, but I was glad that it happened. Even if things didn’t go anywhere with Brendon, I was thankful that I was able to see things in a more positive light. 

To keep myself busy until our date, I did something I should’ve done right after my move; I replied back to the texts my friends in New York had been sending me. I hadn’t talked to any of them since leaving because they reminded me of my life before everything changed. 

Most replied back pretty quickly, excited to finally hear from me. My best friend, Anna, was harder to get through to, though. I knew she would be tough because my leaving without much notice had hurt her feelings, so me leaving and then not speaking to her had to demolish her. 

The first call rang a few times before going to voicemail. I figured she didn’t have her phone near her since was notorious for always missing calls on the first try, so I tried again. It rang once and then went to voicemail. So that’s how it’s gonna be I thought. I kept myself from getting annoyed by putting myself in her position. Taking a breath to regroup, I called her one more time. Voicemail. 

“Hey, Anna. I just wanted to call and say, um, who the fuck am I kidding? There’s so much I need to say. Sorry, for starters. I fucked up really badly and hurt you and I’m sorry. I was in a really dark spot and I just started coming out of it. I know it’s no excuse, but it’s how I needed to mourn and cope I guess. Like I said, there’s a lot I need to say, but I’d rather say it to you and not your voicemail, so please call me back or even just a text whenever you’re ready. Love and miss you. Bye.” I tossed my phone aside and hoped that I hadn’t ruined my best and oldest friendship. 


	5. [So Fucking Cool]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took so long! I had all the intentions of posting earlier, but then I wrote myself into a corner and had to think out of the block. Thanks for waiting!

Brendon and I texted throughout the days leading up to Saturday. There were some times when it would be a couple short texts between his appointments to say 'hi' and other times we would have long, drawn-out conversations where we each basically wrote out a novel. I was learning so much about him and it was wonderful. 

Our upbringings were completely different from one another on almost every front. He had multiple siblings, I was an only child. He was raised religiously before leaving the church while I was encouraged from the beginning to research and make my own decisions. He was wild and promiscuous in his early adult years and a "wild" time for me was popping a couple Adderall and walking around MoMA, which I only ever did twice. He liked movie adaptations while I preferred the book. We had enough crossover in our interests that our differences seemed exciting. 

When Saturday rolled around, Brendon was quite cryptic when it came to what his plans where. I kept trying to get hints from him, but he just kept sending me random emojis. I eventually had to threaten cancelling the date to get a clue. We weren't going anywhere fancy for dinner, but we were doing something in the evening that required me to dress decently nice. Something above jeans and a t-shirt, but not quite a gown and heels. Challenge accepted. 

I'd never been one to worry about my fashion taste, so I tried to keep this mindset and not overthink it as I looked through my closet. I was glad Brendon had given me some sort of hint, but I still wished I knew where we were going. Growing up in the art community of New York, there were a multitude of galas and fundraisers that I went to with my parents and had to look appropriate for, but I generally knew about these enough in advance to plan. Another difference between Brendon and me, I suppose. I'm a bit more structured, whereas he seems to love the spontaneous. 

In the end, I decided on a simple black skirt and a grey t-shirt that I knotted on the side. After adding a pair of ankle boots and finishing my hair and makeup, I was ready. Timing was on my side because I'd just finished when there was a knock on my door. My stomach flipped as I opened it and saw him standing there, sunglasses still on and his hair falling effortlessly as if he'd just ran his fingers through it and it just knew what to do. He was so fucking cool. 

"You look gorgeous," he said, sliding his sunglasses down his nose. So fucking cool.

"Right back at ya, Mr. Debonair. Want to come in, or do we have to leave right away?"

"I'll come in." He smiled at me and took off his glasses. "I've been wanting to check out your piano since the last time I was here." He walked over to my white baby grand and took a seat. I shouldn't have been impressed when he started playing, but I was. The way he played was effortless. 

"Well shit," I spoke when he finished.

"Your turn." He moved to the edge of the bench so I could sit in the middle. 

"There's no way I can avoid it, is there?" I was overly self-conscious after hearing him play. 

"Nope." He gave me a his goofy fucking grin and waited. I sighed and sat next to him. 

I waited a few moments while I thought of what I should play. Something modern, classical, a song from a musical? A thought came to me and for the first time in months, it brought a smile and not tears. 

"I feel a sudden urge to sing the kind of ditty that invokes the Spring. So, control your desire to curse while I crucify the verse," I began singing as my fingers moved from memory. 

Cole Porter's De-Lovely was like our family's theme song. My grandparents had been in his social circle in Paris when they were in their 20s and they said it was one of the most memorable times of their lives. After reading up on him, I'm surprised they remembered much with all of the partying they must have done. 

To pay homage to my grandmother, who'd died before I was born, my parents danced to De-Lovely at their wedding. Every year on their anniversary, they danced to it again. When I was born, they started dancing with me, too. 

When I finished the song, I was proud that there were still no tears. Just a warm feeling of happiness. I looked over at Brendon and blushed when I saw how he was looking at me. I was for sure more of a quiet and definitely introverted person, but I'd always been confident. The way his eyes bore into me and how he smiled as he bit his lip made me feel more vulnerable than I could ever remember being. 

"So, ready to go?" I started to stand, trying to play off the moment we'd just shared. 

"Not just yet." He grabbed my hand and motioned me back down. "You're something else, Etta." Rubbing my cheek with his thumb, Brendon leaned in and placed his lips on mine. 

This kiss started out much gentler than the previous one we'd shared. No tongue was involved initially, just light, delicate kisses, as if anything more would end this dream. It did progress quite quickly, however. Soon enough, we were pressed up against one another, his hands leaving trails of heat as they moved up and down my back under my shirt. I have no doubt that things would have progressed further had Brendon's phone not chimed. We broke apart, giggling like teenagers.

“We actually should get going,” he said after checking his phone. “Everything’s ready.” We both rose and I felt like I was experiencing my first crush all over again. 

 

 

I was a bit surprised when we pulled up in the service entrance of an outdoor venue that was about an hour away. It was obvious that we were going to watch some sort of concert, but the busses and freights had no logos or any sort of indicator, so I had no clue who we were seeing. 

Brendon and I held hands as we walked from the car to the back entrance of the amphitheater. He gave security our names and we were quickly given access lanyards. After looking at it, I learned that we’d be seeing Kendrick Lamar. Hip hop wasn’t my normal genre, but I definitely appreciated it and had listened to some of Kendrick’s stuff in the past. His lyrics and beats always caught my interest. 

“I hope this is okay.” Brendon looked a bit worried when he saw me looking at the lanyard. “If you’re not into this, we can totally do something else. It’s just that Kendrick and I have become friends and I thought it would be cool to bring you to see him.”

“This is 100% okay. I can’t say I listen to him often, but I have listened to him and I really enjoy his music. This will actually be my first hip hop concert.”

“Really? I think you’ll really like it. His energy is incredible.” The grin and overall look of excitement that I was seeing were already having me feel incredible energy, so I couldn’t wait to see where the night was going to go from there.


End file.
